I have been feeling really down lately. Maybe it is the drastic change in the weather. Yesterday was a nice 70 degree sunshiney day and today is -2 degrees with the windchill and snow and ice cover the ground. It really is true what they say about Texas weather, "it will change in the blink of an eye".
So today, I am sitting in my cozy living room with a warm fire in the fireplace enjoying my babies. As I sit there and stare off into the flames of the fire I contemplate the fire that is burning in my heart. Over the past couple years I have let my relationship with Christ slip. As Christians, I think we all do this from time to time. But this time has gone on too long and I find my mind and heart drifting to the things of this world rather than the heavenly things that matter, such as relationships and serving others. This fire in our fireplace reminds me of the fire in my heart to be closer to my Heavenly Father. I want to spend some time and feel close to Him like I once was. So I have decided to make it a priority in my life, rather than something that is on my to-do list.
As I am deep in thought about my relationship with Christ, my children start to wake up from their nap and I find myself distracted from my thoughts and begin preparing bottles for feeding time. I go through the motions with them...getting one diaper changed, then the other...propping them up on their pillows ready to eat and then begin feeding them. My head is pouding due to the tension headache that has been nagging at me all day, but I try to focus on my beautiful children. After they finish, I lay our daughter Kaitlyn back down for her nap and finish feeding our son Knox the rest of his bottle.
Knox has now learned how to smile. Not just the small cracked smile, but the full faced, mouth wide open smile that would melt any mother's heart. I realize that his eyes are locked right on mine and I start to flirt back with him...smiling and cooing at him. He starts to laugh!!! This is the first time I have seen either of my children laugh out loud. My heart melted and I wanted to trap the moment in a bottle and keep it forever. We went about this flirting business for a good 10 minutes. Knox would smile at me and laugh and I would smile back and make little baby sounds at him. Then I finally put him down for his nap.
This moment with my son made me remember God's word and how he wants us to be child-like in our faith. In both my spiritual and personal life, I have become too overcome with earthly priorities and stress that I have forgotten to enjoy the sweet moments such as my son smiling. I looked outside and said a prayer to my Father above that I would remember to be child-like in my faith with Him. I know He would enjoy seeing me smile more often just as I enjoyed seeing my son smile today.
Thank you Father for the simple joys in life. Thank you for always providing what I need exactly when I need it. I know that Your hands are all over my family and that You and Your angels are watching over my family. I pray that You would continue to guide my heart to the places that You desire it. That You would grow my children to have hearts that seek Yours. Thank you for the simplicity of today and the beauty of the snow and fire.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
M.O.M. Obstacles
Call me crazy, but I underestimated this whole twin thing. I am so blessed and very grateful for the opportunity to have two children at once. God definitely provided me with the desires of my heart, and he did it quite efficiently! However, everyday things are much more complicated now for this M.O.M. (Mom of Multiples).
For example, while pregnant I would see moms shopping with their infant. They would put them in the front of the shopping cart in their carrier and fill up the cart with their groceries. How sweet, I thought, to bring your baby with you. Then I realized once my babies were born that grocery shopping would not be an option for me unless I had a babysitter or some serious help! I mean where do you put 2 infant carriers in the grocery cart?!?!
I also cannot do the everyday quick errands like running into the post office or easy things like that with both babies. This would require the stroller, which is an event taking the "baby expedition" out!
But today I learned a trick! If I leave one baby with Nana and take the other with me, I can do all the fun things that most moms of single babies can do. I effortlessly took Knox grocery shopping with me, carried him into the post office, and even stopped at a local cafe to grab lunch. Yes it took a little bit more time, but it was a piece of cake compared to juggling two of them! Any of my friends who have had singletons and want to tell me how hard it was/is can now find someone else to tell it to because I am convinced more than ever now that having one baby is easy breezy!!! I am also convinced that people who have more than twins have been hand selected by God for an extremely special job. One that I don't know I could handle. Thank goodness He only gives us what we can handle :)
For example, while pregnant I would see moms shopping with their infant. They would put them in the front of the shopping cart in their carrier and fill up the cart with their groceries. How sweet, I thought, to bring your baby with you. Then I realized once my babies were born that grocery shopping would not be an option for me unless I had a babysitter or some serious help! I mean where do you put 2 infant carriers in the grocery cart?!?!
I also cannot do the everyday quick errands like running into the post office or easy things like that with both babies. This would require the stroller, which is an event taking the "baby expedition" out!
But today I learned a trick! If I leave one baby with Nana and take the other with me, I can do all the fun things that most moms of single babies can do. I effortlessly took Knox grocery shopping with me, carried him into the post office, and even stopped at a local cafe to grab lunch. Yes it took a little bit more time, but it was a piece of cake compared to juggling two of them! Any of my friends who have had singletons and want to tell me how hard it was/is can now find someone else to tell it to because I am convinced more than ever now that having one baby is easy breezy!!! I am also convinced that people who have more than twins have been hand selected by God for an extremely special job. One that I don't know I could handle. Thank goodness He only gives us what we can handle :)
Monday, January 24, 2011
Baby scheduling....am I creating type "A" children?
I have to laugh at myself because I am an extreme type A personality. Not only do I need order in my life, but I function best when running off of a schedule. I mean, really who wouldn't? The running joke in my house is "Are you going to create a spreadsheet for that"? Yes, my husband thinks I am a little spreadsheet crazy, but I couldn't survive without knowing who, what, when, and where...most importantly, how much! Sooooo, when we found out we were pregnant with TWINS you can guess what I immediately started doing. Yep, finding a schedule and a routine that I could put the babies on. I even have spreadsheets to capture what time they ate, how much they ate, how many hours they slept, how many wet diapers and how many dirty diapers they had in one day. Yes I am that kind of Type A!!!!
Not everyone in my family or even many of my friends agree with our way of scheduling our children. In fact many have said that we are too strict and have too many rules. However, I would love to have the time to survey moms of multiples to see if any of them go without a scheduled routine. I know I would not be able to survive!
For the past 7 weeks we have been following the methods of Baby Wise which teaches a stable 3 hour routine. Wake, feed, sleep...repeat, every 3 hours. At first I thought that it would never work. The book boasts of babies being able to sleep 12 hours through the night at just 9-12 weeks of age! I knew that was the goal but the past 7 weeks have been so challenging that at times I wanted to throw the book out the window and go with my own method. But then I realized that I didn't have a method because I don't know what the heck I am doing!!!
With 2 babies it seems impossible to get them to sleep at the same time and to sleep through a whole nap cycle, let alone through the night. But at 6 weeks I finally saw the fruit of our hard labor. The twins finally slept 7 whole hours through the night. It was amazing and I thought surely it was just that night...it wouldn't happen again, we couldn't be that lucky! But we are that lucky!!!! Our babies are now sleeping 6-7 hours through the night, EVERY night! I credit all our success to the Baby Wise methodology and every time a family member or friend sticks their nose up at our schedule, I just laugh to myself and think....they are just like their mommy....they need a schedule for everything including sleep! Seeing my sweet sleeping children puts a smile on my face.
Yes I am creating type A children and I am proud of it. I want them to be well developed, independent and happy children. I am teaching them that mommy and daddy are the rule makers and when we lie them down for a nap, they take a nap...no fights about it. I am teaching them that they don't need me to fall asleep...they can do it on their own and they can trust that I will be right there when they wake up. I am using my God given talents and Type A personality and I am proud of it!
Not everyone in my family or even many of my friends agree with our way of scheduling our children. In fact many have said that we are too strict and have too many rules. However, I would love to have the time to survey moms of multiples to see if any of them go without a scheduled routine. I know I would not be able to survive!
For the past 7 weeks we have been following the methods of Baby Wise which teaches a stable 3 hour routine. Wake, feed, sleep...repeat, every 3 hours. At first I thought that it would never work. The book boasts of babies being able to sleep 12 hours through the night at just 9-12 weeks of age! I knew that was the goal but the past 7 weeks have been so challenging that at times I wanted to throw the book out the window and go with my own method. But then I realized that I didn't have a method because I don't know what the heck I am doing!!!
With 2 babies it seems impossible to get them to sleep at the same time and to sleep through a whole nap cycle, let alone through the night. But at 6 weeks I finally saw the fruit of our hard labor. The twins finally slept 7 whole hours through the night. It was amazing and I thought surely it was just that night...it wouldn't happen again, we couldn't be that lucky! But we are that lucky!!!! Our babies are now sleeping 6-7 hours through the night, EVERY night! I credit all our success to the Baby Wise methodology and every time a family member or friend sticks their nose up at our schedule, I just laugh to myself and think....they are just like their mommy....they need a schedule for everything including sleep! Seeing my sweet sleeping children puts a smile on my face.
Yes I am creating type A children and I am proud of it. I want them to be well developed, independent and happy children. I am teaching them that mommy and daddy are the rule makers and when we lie them down for a nap, they take a nap...no fights about it. I am teaching them that they don't need me to fall asleep...they can do it on their own and they can trust that I will be right there when they wake up. I am using my God given talents and Type A personality and I am proud of it!
Sunday, December 26, 2010
3 weeks of Mommyhood
I can't believe I actually made time to sit down and write a blog, but it is long overdue. Three, seemingly long, weeks ago I brought our beautiful children, Knox and Kaitlyn, into this world. Well technically speaking, our Heavenly Father brought them safely into this world, I just did all the hard work! On December 2, 2010 at 6:12 pm and 6:13 pm our babies were born via c-section and we became parents. I was quite scared because the doctors all agreed that I needed a C-Section that very day because Knox had wiggled himself into a very compromising position and needed to be born ASAP. **Side note - these are not the most flattering pictures of me, but for documentation purposes, I decided to add them. Maybe looking at them in the future will remind me that I don't really need to be pregnant again!
The thought of major abdominal surgery while awake just terrified me, as well as the thought of my babies being in distress. So, I put my "big girl panties" on and went into the surgery room with a brave face. However, I did cry the whole time I was getting the epidural (so much for the big girl panties). As I lie on the operating table waiting for Kris to join me, I thought about the moment and how I soon wouldn't be pregnant anymore, but I would be hearing my children cry for the first time. I began to cry just thinking about it.
Surgery wasn't so bad - it was a little strange feeling the doctors push and pull and my tummy but as soon as they pulled Kaitlyn out of me and I heard her screaming, I felt that instant mommy sensation. The one that only a mom can relate to....the feeling of complete joy and extreme concern for the life that was just brought forth. I couldn't see her at first until they got her all cleaned up and vitals checked. But while she was being cleaned up, the doctors were working on Knox. They brought her over to me for a quick second, but I couldn't hold her...only kiss her small beautiful face that looked very similar to my own.
One minute sure did seem like thirty minutes, but exactly one minute after Kaitlyn was born, Knox was pulled from my tummy. The doctor had to literally turn him inside of me to get him in the correct position before being born. This was a weird and nauseating feeling but it didn't last long. Soon enough Knox was here. However he wasn't screaming like Kaitlyn. In fact he wasn't crying at all. Fear and panic set in over me as I anxiously waiting to hear our son cry. I didn't get to see him or hold him for another 4 hours.
I have to say, Kris was a trouper through it all and he even peeked over the surgery curtain to witness our children being born. I would have passed out if I was him, but he was so excited. Both Kaitlyn and Knox were rushed to the nursery with their daddy following right behind. I was left behind to get stitched and stapled back up.
4 hours of waiting in my recovery room seemed like eternity and I began to get very nervous that something was wrong with our babies, but they were so healthy that they required no NICU time at all. The nurses brought them to us in our room and for the first time, I got to hold our precious angels. It was such an amazing feeling just looking at God's creations blew me away. They were perfect in every way and I was in love!
So the long awaited event had finally come and passed and all our family members were so excited to see our precious angels. Bringing them home was a scary thing....there were no more nurses, doctors or specialists to help with questions or concerns. We were parents and we were on our own. I quickly thought that someone should write a book or instruction manual on what to do during those first couple days. It is hard to believe that something like this doesn't exist. Hmmmm....maybe I just landed on a money pot idea....?!?!?
Anyhow, Knox and Kaitlyn were getting acclimated to mommy and daddy and mommy and daddy were trying to figure out what to do. But soon, our lives consisted of feeding, diaper changing and NO sleep. The no sleep thing is something that nobody can truly prepare you for. I have no idea what bringing home just one baby is like ( I am assuming that it has to be easier than two) but two crying babies round the clock is enough to send someone into a delirious state of mind. We are now 3 weeks into this whole parenthood journey and I think I am walking around in a dazed fog of delirium and confusion. My life revolves around the clock, recording what time the babies ate, got a diaper change, and slept. In between, I try to wash all 16 bottles that were used during the course of the day and keep up with the ever exploding laundry basket. Thank heavens for take out food and delivery! I don't know that I have half a mind to even try to cook anything. Getting a daily shower and my teeth brushed seems like a complete luxury and really only happens every other day at best. But, I wouldn't trade any of it because being a mommy is what I believe my purpose in life was meant to be. My children are beautiful children of God and I am so honored to be able to care for them and raise them to know and love the Lord.
The thought of major abdominal surgery while awake just terrified me, as well as the thought of my babies being in distress. So, I put my "big girl panties" on and went into the surgery room with a brave face. However, I did cry the whole time I was getting the epidural (so much for the big girl panties). As I lie on the operating table waiting for Kris to join me, I thought about the moment and how I soon wouldn't be pregnant anymore, but I would be hearing my children cry for the first time. I began to cry just thinking about it.
Surgery wasn't so bad - it was a little strange feeling the doctors push and pull and my tummy but as soon as they pulled Kaitlyn out of me and I heard her screaming, I felt that instant mommy sensation. The one that only a mom can relate to....the feeling of complete joy and extreme concern for the life that was just brought forth. I couldn't see her at first until they got her all cleaned up and vitals checked. But while she was being cleaned up, the doctors were working on Knox. They brought her over to me for a quick second, but I couldn't hold her...only kiss her small beautiful face that looked very similar to my own.
One minute sure did seem like thirty minutes, but exactly one minute after Kaitlyn was born, Knox was pulled from my tummy. The doctor had to literally turn him inside of me to get him in the correct position before being born. This was a weird and nauseating feeling but it didn't last long. Soon enough Knox was here. However he wasn't screaming like Kaitlyn. In fact he wasn't crying at all. Fear and panic set in over me as I anxiously waiting to hear our son cry. I didn't get to see him or hold him for another 4 hours.
I have to say, Kris was a trouper through it all and he even peeked over the surgery curtain to witness our children being born. I would have passed out if I was him, but he was so excited. Both Kaitlyn and Knox were rushed to the nursery with their daddy following right behind. I was left behind to get stitched and stapled back up.
4 hours of waiting in my recovery room seemed like eternity and I began to get very nervous that something was wrong with our babies, but they were so healthy that they required no NICU time at all. The nurses brought them to us in our room and for the first time, I got to hold our precious angels. It was such an amazing feeling just looking at God's creations blew me away. They were perfect in every way and I was in love!
So the long awaited event had finally come and passed and all our family members were so excited to see our precious angels. Bringing them home was a scary thing....there were no more nurses, doctors or specialists to help with questions or concerns. We were parents and we were on our own. I quickly thought that someone should write a book or instruction manual on what to do during those first couple days. It is hard to believe that something like this doesn't exist. Hmmmm....maybe I just landed on a money pot idea....?!?!?
Anyhow, Knox and Kaitlyn were getting acclimated to mommy and daddy and mommy and daddy were trying to figure out what to do. But soon, our lives consisted of feeding, diaper changing and NO sleep. The no sleep thing is something that nobody can truly prepare you for. I have no idea what bringing home just one baby is like ( I am assuming that it has to be easier than two) but two crying babies round the clock is enough to send someone into a delirious state of mind. We are now 3 weeks into this whole parenthood journey and I think I am walking around in a dazed fog of delirium and confusion. My life revolves around the clock, recording what time the babies ate, got a diaper change, and slept. In between, I try to wash all 16 bottles that were used during the course of the day and keep up with the ever exploding laundry basket. Thank heavens for take out food and delivery! I don't know that I have half a mind to even try to cook anything. Getting a daily shower and my teeth brushed seems like a complete luxury and really only happens every other day at best. But, I wouldn't trade any of it because being a mommy is what I believe my purpose in life was meant to be. My children are beautiful children of God and I am so honored to be able to care for them and raise them to know and love the Lord.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Pregnancy Update!
It has been a while since I posted a new blog, but there has been a lot going on with us and the babies. At my last doctor's appointment, I was measuring as if I was 9 months (and beyond) along with a singleton! Can you imagine....I am only 7 months! GASP...what am I going to do with the next 2 months?!?!
Well, my measurement assured me that the babies are growing very healthily and we are in the home stretch! However, when we went in for a ultrasound a few days ago, it appears that our little Kaitlyn is having some difficulties with her amniotic fluid. Her fluid appears to be very low and on the doctor's measurement system, her fluid measures at 4. To give perspective, if it drops to 2, they go in and do an emergency C-Section! You can imagine the fear that began to well up inside of me. 4 is very close to 2 and at first they could only get a 3 reading on her. Thank goodness she moved around a little and they found a pocket of fluid that measured 4! Knox is doing great, and he is practically swimming in his excess of fluid!
So the only help I can provide Kaitlyn is to lie down ALL the time, which means bed rest! As hard as it is for me to sit still for more than 5 minutes and do absolutely nothing, I am realizing that for the first time in my life, this has nothing to do with me and everything to do with our children. The doctors gave me two steroid shots to help their lungs develop in the instance that they have to go in and get them sooner than expected. This will hopefully provide a better NICU opportunity for them, as lung development is usually the biggest hurdle with premies. If they were to be born at 28 weeks, the babies would have a very good success rate of survival, but the thought of it makes me very emotional.
I have prayed and prayed over these children that God would restore the balance of fluid and that I would be able to carry them to the 36-37 week mark. I ask that you would join Kris and I in this prayer!
Soooo....no more football games, office time, cleaning, grocery shopping, or really any kind of activity for me. Oh this is going to be difficult! I have resorted to writing thank you cards and knitting little hats for my babies. Thankfully, I have wonderful friends who have offered their help to us and continue to show me that while big city living can be fun....nothing beats the hospitality and sense of community like a good ole' small town. I know that God has us right where he wants us! Praise Jesus Christ for knowing and providing exactly what we need all the time!
Well, my measurement assured me that the babies are growing very healthily and we are in the home stretch! However, when we went in for a ultrasound a few days ago, it appears that our little Kaitlyn is having some difficulties with her amniotic fluid. Her fluid appears to be very low and on the doctor's measurement system, her fluid measures at 4. To give perspective, if it drops to 2, they go in and do an emergency C-Section! You can imagine the fear that began to well up inside of me. 4 is very close to 2 and at first they could only get a 3 reading on her. Thank goodness she moved around a little and they found a pocket of fluid that measured 4! Knox is doing great, and he is practically swimming in his excess of fluid!
So the only help I can provide Kaitlyn is to lie down ALL the time, which means bed rest! As hard as it is for me to sit still for more than 5 minutes and do absolutely nothing, I am realizing that for the first time in my life, this has nothing to do with me and everything to do with our children. The doctors gave me two steroid shots to help their lungs develop in the instance that they have to go in and get them sooner than expected. This will hopefully provide a better NICU opportunity for them, as lung development is usually the biggest hurdle with premies. If they were to be born at 28 weeks, the babies would have a very good success rate of survival, but the thought of it makes me very emotional.
I have prayed and prayed over these children that God would restore the balance of fluid and that I would be able to carry them to the 36-37 week mark. I ask that you would join Kris and I in this prayer!
Soooo....no more football games, office time, cleaning, grocery shopping, or really any kind of activity for me. Oh this is going to be difficult! I have resorted to writing thank you cards and knitting little hats for my babies. Thankfully, I have wonderful friends who have offered their help to us and continue to show me that while big city living can be fun....nothing beats the hospitality and sense of community like a good ole' small town. I know that God has us right where he wants us! Praise Jesus Christ for knowing and providing exactly what we need all the time!
Monday, September 6, 2010
Pregnancy Comments
I realize that I am pregnant, and I also realize that I am going to be larger than most because I am carrying twins, but it shocks me at what people will actually allow themselves to say. Here are a few of the "good" ones I have heard lately:
"Oh wow, it looks like you swallowed a huge basketball"
"You are gonna pop soon!"
"Oh I am glad I am not you - you are going to get HUGE"
"Two babies are a lot to handle, are you sure you are ready?"
"Do you need a wheelchair?"
I have to laugh, but inside it makes me think...really, I can't believe you just said that! On that note, I have only gained 20 lbs, am carrying 2 very healthy babies, and yes I still have 3 more months to go! I think I am doing fabulous :)
To all the nay sayers my response is....I am pregnant, not handicapped...and yes, I realize that 2 babies are a lot to handle but they are double the blessing and I am absolutely ready for that! A huge basketball is better than looking like the Michelin Man! Cheers to pregnancy :)
"Oh wow, it looks like you swallowed a huge basketball"
"You are gonna pop soon!"
"Oh I am glad I am not you - you are going to get HUGE"
"Two babies are a lot to handle, are you sure you are ready?"
"Do you need a wheelchair?"
I have to laugh, but inside it makes me think...really, I can't believe you just said that! On that note, I have only gained 20 lbs, am carrying 2 very healthy babies, and yes I still have 3 more months to go! I think I am doing fabulous :)
To all the nay sayers my response is....I am pregnant, not handicapped...and yes, I realize that 2 babies are a lot to handle but they are double the blessing and I am absolutely ready for that! A huge basketball is better than looking like the Michelin Man! Cheers to pregnancy :)
Friday, September 3, 2010
Birthday Fun
Turning 30 was a milestone in my young life for a few reasons, but mostly because it meant that my 20's are history. For all who know how tumultuous my 20's were, you know I am breathing a sigh of relief and I know that my 30's will be fabulous! My birthday celebration started a day early with a wonderful surprise from my mother-in-law, D, who lovingly provided me with someone to come to our house for the entire day and help me organize, move things, and most importantly disinfect our humble abode. She stayed for 6 hours helping me get everything in order, which at the end of the day put the biggest smile on my face. I can't explain what a blessing it was to have someone do the heavy lifting and cleaning since I am good for nothing right now except for growing our children. See our beautiful growing children below!
At noon, my wonderful husband brought me a gorgeous bouquet of flowers which included hydrangeas, roses and daisies.
And in the evening we went out for dinner and had a nice little date night (which has been long over due). This was all the day before my actual birthday because Kris had a football game on my birthday. So, my actual birthday seemed like an extra day of love! I enjoyed a wonderful lunch with my lady co-workers. Mexican food is always good for this pregnant tummy so long as I have my Pepcid A/C in tow!
Since Kris had his season opener that night, my father-in-law picked me up and we headed to the football field to support the team. It was a great night for football...the we had a cold front move in so the heat wasn't so unbearable. I just love watching Kris in action! He loves what he does so much.
Here they are right before kick off, getting everyone together:
Here he is rallying his guys:
In night vision (because the lights were so bad at the field) stretching out a cramped up player:
And finally, with a win - and the final score!!!
All in all it was a great birthday! Cheers to what this next decade will bring....a growing family, the laughter of children, many tears, and less stress (well maybe just a completely different kind of stress).
At noon, my wonderful husband brought me a gorgeous bouquet of flowers which included hydrangeas, roses and daisies.
And in the evening we went out for dinner and had a nice little date night (which has been long over due). This was all the day before my actual birthday because Kris had a football game on my birthday. So, my actual birthday seemed like an extra day of love! I enjoyed a wonderful lunch with my lady co-workers. Mexican food is always good for this pregnant tummy so long as I have my Pepcid A/C in tow!
Since Kris had his season opener that night, my father-in-law picked me up and we headed to the football field to support the team. It was a great night for football...the we had a cold front move in so the heat wasn't so unbearable. I just love watching Kris in action! He loves what he does so much.
Here they are right before kick off, getting everyone together:
Here he is rallying his guys:
In night vision (because the lights were so bad at the field) stretching out a cramped up player:
And finally, with a win - and the final score!!!
All in all it was a great birthday! Cheers to what this next decade will bring....a growing family, the laughter of children, many tears, and less stress (well maybe just a completely different kind of stress).
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