The thought of major abdominal surgery while awake just terrified me, as well as the thought of my babies being in distress. So, I put my "big girl panties" on and went into the surgery room with a brave face. However, I did cry the whole time I was getting the epidural (so much for the big girl panties). As I lie on the operating table waiting for Kris to join me, I thought about the moment and how I soon wouldn't be pregnant anymore, but I would be hearing my children cry for the first time. I began to cry just thinking about it.
Surgery wasn't so bad - it was a little strange feeling the doctors push and pull and my tummy but as soon as they pulled Kaitlyn out of me and I heard her screaming, I felt that instant mommy sensation. The one that only a mom can relate to....the feeling of complete joy and extreme concern for the life that was just brought forth. I couldn't see her at first until they got her all cleaned up and vitals checked. But while she was being cleaned up, the doctors were working on Knox. They brought her over to me for a quick second, but I couldn't hold her...only kiss her small beautiful face that looked very similar to my own.
One minute sure did seem like thirty minutes, but exactly one minute after Kaitlyn was born, Knox was pulled from my tummy. The doctor had to literally turn him inside of me to get him in the correct position before being born. This was a weird and nauseating feeling but it didn't last long. Soon enough Knox was here. However he wasn't screaming like Kaitlyn. In fact he wasn't crying at all. Fear and panic set in over me as I anxiously waiting to hear our son cry. I didn't get to see him or hold him for another 4 hours.
I have to say, Kris was a trouper through it all and he even peeked over the surgery curtain to witness our children being born. I would have passed out if I was him, but he was so excited. Both Kaitlyn and Knox were rushed to the nursery with their daddy following right behind. I was left behind to get stitched and stapled back up.
4 hours of waiting in my recovery room seemed like eternity and I began to get very nervous that something was wrong with our babies, but they were so healthy that they required no NICU time at all. The nurses brought them to us in our room and for the first time, I got to hold our precious angels. It was such an amazing feeling just looking at God's creations blew me away. They were perfect in every way and I was in love!
So the long awaited event had finally come and passed and all our family members were so excited to see our precious angels. Bringing them home was a scary thing....there were no more nurses, doctors or specialists to help with questions or concerns. We were parents and we were on our own. I quickly thought that someone should write a book or instruction manual on what to do during those first couple days. It is hard to believe that something like this doesn't exist. Hmmmm....maybe I just landed on a money pot idea....?!?!?
Anyhow, Knox and Kaitlyn were getting acclimated to mommy and daddy and mommy and daddy were trying to figure out what to do. But soon, our lives consisted of feeding, diaper changing and NO sleep. The no sleep thing is something that nobody can truly prepare you for. I have no idea what bringing home just one baby is like ( I am assuming that it has to be easier than two) but two crying babies round the clock is enough to send someone into a delirious state of mind. We are now 3 weeks into this whole parenthood journey and I think I am walking around in a dazed fog of delirium and confusion. My life revolves around the clock, recording what time the babies ate, got a diaper change, and slept. In between, I try to wash all 16 bottles that were used during the course of the day and keep up with the ever exploding laundry basket. Thank heavens for take out food and delivery! I don't know that I have half a mind to even try to cook anything. Getting a daily shower and my teeth brushed seems like a complete luxury and really only happens every other day at best. But, I wouldn't trade any of it because being a mommy is what I believe my purpose in life was meant to be. My children are beautiful children of God and I am so honored to be able to care for them and raise them to know and love the Lord.