Tuesday, October 27, 2015

This is amazing Grace. This is unfailing LOVE!

Time seems to move at such a rapid pace, but memories keep the past ever so close.  I have been reflecting on memories of my mom and memories of my childhood quite often lately.  Sometimes, memories that I thought were lost will spring to mind and a smile creeps upon my face.  I love when this happens, as if the past is trying to break through to the present.  One memory that won't leave my mind and is always breaking through to the present is the week that my family learned of the murder of my mom.  My mind has been kind to me, as all the bad stuff stays tucked away, and the beautiful blessings break through.

Have you ever stood before God and boldly prayed for a miracle?  Not just a miracle, but a timely one to come swiftly?  Prior to losing my mom, my prayer life was feeble.  It was the standard "thank you for this day", "thank you for taking care of me", "please help me on this test", "please grant me this promotion", etc.  Not to say that these prayers weren't valid, or even important, but they were mediocre in the way I prayed them.  I felt like a child begging their parent for the forbidden candy or dessert.  Always asking, but deep down thinking that I would most likely be shot down.  It didn't seem that I believed in the mighty power of our God, but routinely would pray anyway - again, just in the off chance that He might "grant my wish".  This was my honest perspective of my prayer life.  I think back to that time in my life as a "baby believer" and almost laugh at myself, for I had no idea how to tap into our Great and Mighty God.  I had no idea of His all encompassing power.  I was oblivious of how to boldly approach him - until the day came that I demanded to hear from Him.

As the details came forth about the murder of my mom, we realized that our family would not have a place to stay together during this turbulent time, since my parents home was considered a crime scene.  With family flying into town and nowhere to stay, I hit my knees.  I have never been brought to my knees in prayer.  I usually would pray as I lie in bed right before I drifted off to dream land.  This time, while on my knees and tears flowing down, I boldly approached the Lord.  I prayed that I NEEDED Him to provide for my family a place to stay.  That I needed this prayer answered immediately.  Not tomorrow, not in a couple days, but I needed an answer to prayer immediately.  Being a plan B type of gal, I had decided that we could stay at a hotel if nothing else worked out, but then I felt as though I was being pulled back into prayer.  I prayed again - "Lord, do not mistake me - I need you NOW."  That very day, I got news that a local family (who was about to leave on a week vacation) offered up their house to our family.  Upon entering their home, it felt as though a warm blanket had just been wrapped around me.  I sat in their living room, in awe of the quick response to my prayer.  As I looked up, I saw scripture painted on their walls.  I was in the presence of the Spirit and I felt it - I soaked in it.  During our time there, I sensed that my brother was really struggling, as my entire family was, but it was something that none of us were adequately in a position to really comfort him, as we were all struggling.  I was drawn back to prayer.  "Lord, I need you to send someone to help my brother - send them now!"  That day, there was a knock at the door and there stood a police officer.  He wasn't familiar to me though so I asked him how I could help him.  He mentioned that we was the Chaplain of a the police department of a nearby town and that God placed it on his heart to come check on my family to see if we needed anything.  Amazed at our Father's love and speediness, I stood there in a feeling of shock.  Yes, he could help.  "Take my brother and comfort him, please" I asked.  Later that day, he asked me if there was anything that I specifically needed.  I certainly did, I wanted to go to the police station to confront my dad and have him confess to me that he murdered my mom.  The problem was that there were 5-10 various media cameras in front of the police station.  "No problem, I can take you around the back entrance" he stated.  While in his car, he mentioned to me that he had lost his mom the same way I lost mine.  I had him pull the car over, and we both cried.  Rather bawled like babies.  God was so good to send me and my brother someone in a very difficult moment in our lives.  Someone who could 100% relate to us.  How good is our God?  During that week, God spoke to me in an intimate way.  He revealed to me just how big He is, and how much He sees us and meets us right where we are.  One of the nights spent in this home, I had a vision dream.  I clearly saw my mom holding 5 children.  This vision confused me and I disregarded it at first, until I gave birth to my 3rd child years later.  That vision was of my mom with her 5 grandchildren (my two nieces and my 3 children) - 4 of which were unborn at the time.  I believe it was a promise of a restored family life.

I recently had lunch with the owner of the home that was lent to us during our time of need.  What she shared with me, blew me away.  She mentioned that while she and her husband were in the process of building this home (many years before the loss of my mom), her church prayer group prayed over the home and wrote Scripture verses on the cement foundation as well as the wood structure of the home.  While they were praying over the home, the Lord gave her a vision of her completed home with a big open door and many people coming in and out of her home.  People that she didn't know or recognize were flooding her home.  She heard a message from God saying "always keep your door open."  He was preparing her to keep her door open for our family.  He knew how He would weave this all together before the need was even there.  Isn't that incredible?!?!   She also received a message from God that her daughter's room would be a room where her daughter would have visions from the Lord.  Guess which room I slept in while staying in this home?  You guessed it....her daughter's.  

By hearing her story of the details of her home and the visions that she received, I can clearly see that God is 100% for us.  He already has all the details of our lives worked out.  He weaves all things together for good.  While evil took my mom from this earth, He already had a plan of grace and love to help me through the difficult time.  All I needed to do was ask - boldly ask.  He sees us all the time, every day.  He is a good Father, and desires us to come to Him and lay it all at His feet.  My prayer life looks dramatically different now.  When my husband and I were struggling to conceive, I boldly took that to the Lord as well.  I asked that He provide me with the desires of my heart.  Wouldn't you know, when we went in for our sonogram, there were 2 strong heartbeats.  A year after being infertile, with no fertility treatments or medical intervention, He provided a set of beautiful twins to us.  It was a complete miracle.  He is a God of miracles - yesterday, today and tomorrow.